NOT today….

My endo is super bad today. I struggle getting up making it to my 8 AM class. I was throwing up last night and went straight to bed.

I am just exhausted. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. People mistake this disease for something it’s not EVERY SINGLE DAY. People look down on me when I say I’m in pain, they think I’m being over dramatic.

Let me tell you something, until you know. Don’t speak on it. Until you know what’s it’s like to struggle physically, mentally, and emotionally every day don’t you dare open your mouth. Until you know what’s it like to be exhausted from doing simple everyday things, like climbing stairs or taking a shower. I physically have to sit down on the toilet seat (closed) after I shower, before I get dressed because it exhausts me. Endometriosis is painful, and if it is as severe as mine is it’s horrible.

Not everyday is bad, it truly isn’t. I have some great days. But when it’s bad, it’s really really bad!! This is my first flare up in a while, I’ll be honest I’ve been doing ok since my surgery and starting the depo shot again. But like I said, these bad days are horrible.

My gynecologist recently told me at my last appointment that it could be a mind thing as to why I’m in pain. SERIOUSLY?? A mind thing since I was 13 years old, in and out the hospital. Ok a mind thing, and what tops it off is this is the doctor that found my endometriosis. I’ve been on and off the depo shot for years, and I know about the horrible side effects and yes it is scary. But my next option is Lupron, and the side of effects from that are even scarier. And of course another surgery with a certified specialist is also on the table, but I do not want another surgery right now.

I have a lot of support from my family, they do know I’m in pain. But sometimes I feel like even they are like come on get over it already. I don’t know it’s hard, it really is. I just wanna be normal, I want to be a normal girl in her twenties, I don’t want to have this struggle everyday.

This condition truly brings out the horrible depression and anxiety in you. I’ve always struggled with anxiety since I could remember, I am a worry wart-I worry about everything. But I’ve never struggled with depression, until recently.. I just feel like I said exhausted…. 

XOXO..

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s